let me just ask, are you happy?
in your day to day, in your busyness as well as your moments of silence, do you find yourself being happy? are you looking forward to what's to come?
i hope you are. i hope i am too.
Monday, October 5, 2015
Thursday, September 24, 2015
life has been really crazy these days. today was the first day in a long while where I didn't have work nor an endless list of errands to run. to take full advantage of such a rarity in my schedule, I met with a few really good friends today and it reminded me how important friendship is. for happiness, for sanity, for accountability, and for the sake of fun, friendship is an essential ingredient in the mixed bag that is life.
friendship is when silences are comfortable, when i pay more attention to conversation than the radio, when lackluster food is bearable, and when the mundane parts of life become a highlight of the week. thankful for the sweet reminders today.
friendship is when silences are comfortable, when i pay more attention to conversation than the radio, when lackluster food is bearable, and when the mundane parts of life become a highlight of the week. thankful for the sweet reminders today.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
to do all things without the need for affirmation. to receive all things in private. to give all things without recognition or public acclaim.
to be all that i can be for him and him alone.
but i know i'm still a far way off, and that my heart is pathetic and needy. but oh, to be secure and whole! tis the dream i dream and the hope i hope.
to be all that i can be for him and him alone.
but i know i'm still a far way off, and that my heart is pathetic and needy. but oh, to be secure and whole! tis the dream i dream and the hope i hope.
Monday, May 4, 2015
to an age where mindless mingling and simple small talk do not appeal. where i'd rather just go home and finally catch up on sleep than stay in a crowd made up of acquaintances grouping together in little clusters. to understanding better than ever before the value of quality over quantity. 2 years, 4 years, 6 years, but what remains? what does it all mean, why does it all matter? the thing is it doesn't mean much and it doesn't matter all that much. but as fickle humans we use this to fill whatever void we're so desperately aware of.
6 weeks more, to end the era of 6 years.
6 weeks more, to end the era of 6 years.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
visuals
i just really liked how this looked
view from the new office-- i can't believe it
a fun project/a fun day
a good happy hour catchup with a friend back home
because being surrounded by 500 corgis = happiness
dogs are silly, but addy is great
the first wedding of a loved one... willdrea <3
pretty skies and good reminders to just enjoy the moment
a couple of random updates:
- is it creepy that i love reading friend's of friends' blogs? i just read back 3 years on her blog and i really enjoyed it. her writing, her insight, her struggles + her joys
- i don't think i'm the best writer, but writing is a skill i highly admire. not all english majors are great writers, and not all great writers are english majors. my bar is high for those i would call "good writers" and there's only been 2 friends thus far (gp & sk)
- i wish i was more creative. people who can do art/video/music/etc. are so cool and as much as i love admiring their talent, i wish i could also create creative content
- i bought a camera-- we'll see how this goes.
- there's a lot of uncertainties coming up. graduation, post-grad job, location (socal, norcal, somewhere-else-that-i-haven't-planned for), etc., but in all things i have to remember that He is always sovereign. just gotta trust in that and relax
- but i'm thankful. getting a new internship, being able to quit my old internship, study abroad (and the ability to go!), UCLA and all that it has meant
- senioritis is all too real
- friendships are funny. all my friends are different, from different parts of my life, different parts of the world, different upbringings and different future paths. but i'm just so grateful. i sometimes wonder if my friends would be friends with each other had they met (without me being involved) and i think they wouldn't be. but it's great to be friends with them all.
- this quarter has been too crazy. it seems like the last one never ended, and it's been a never ending to-do list of things. i need to document my life/the events/the people/the feelings/the blessings better.
- 6 more weeks and i'll get to call this 6 year college career a thing of the past...! exciting + daunting
- i need to pray. more. in frequency and length.
- family----------- hmmm.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Thursday, March 19, 2015
again
ups and downs and ups downs and ups and dows. such is life, or so i guess.
it's been a few weeks of busyness, of stress, of goodness, and of weakness. this isn't to say it's been all bad-- there's definitely been highlights throughout. i'm wrapping up my quarter in the next few hours (quite accurate is my blogging to impending midterm/final timeline if i say so myself) and i'm left a bit.............. unsure. how to sum up this quarter..... i'm not too sure yet.
last minute change of plans means i can afford sleep, but it turns out i took a nap anyway. i was looking forward to it, but then again, life is never predictable anyway.
a friend from davis posted her upcoming schedule:
"2 weeks: yosemite
it's been a few weeks of busyness, of stress, of goodness, and of weakness. this isn't to say it's been all bad-- there's definitely been highlights throughout. i'm wrapping up my quarter in the next few hours (quite accurate is my blogging to impending midterm/final timeline if i say so myself) and i'm left a bit.............. unsure. how to sum up this quarter..... i'm not too sure yet.
last minute change of plans means i can afford sleep, but it turns out i took a nap anyway. i was looking forward to it, but then again, life is never predictable anyway.
a friend from davis posted her upcoming schedule:
"2 weeks: yosemite
3 weeks: LA
6 weeks: oregon
19 weeks: end of my research job
21 weeks: yellowstone
23 weeks: brazil
43 weeks: colombia"
6 weeks: oregon
19 weeks: end of my research job
21 weeks: yellowstone
23 weeks: brazil
43 weeks: colombia"
and i would be lying if i said i wasn't jealous. that nagging feeling of wanting to leave this place/adventure to a new one just won't quit. maybe a short trip with a friend? or a solo adventure? i'm tired of thinking and talking, i just want to get to the doing and the deciding.
update to come.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
in the last week and a half, i've been to 1 out of 8 lectures. at this point-- i'm taking school for granted so much that i question why i do the things that i do. this quarter especially, i've been sacrificing my schoolwork for the sake of other things, whether it be rest, church, kcm, football, relationships, sanity, or some combination of the above.
but then i'm reminded on nights like this of how fortunate i am to be where i am. to be a student at ucla and have the opportunities i have, is truly a testament to god's grace.
and speaking of god's grace-- i had the chance to share my testimony last night. in all honesty, i went in without enough prep, and without enough prayer and i was in contemplation of the extent and amount in which i should share. within this group, there had been a precedent set of logistics over emotions, of events over convictions, and i found myself wrestling with what was right. i could've easily have swept through the "big things" that have happened in my life or i could've gotten deep and emotional about the ways in which god had shaped me through the years.
as my words started to tumble out, i was still unsure and stuck somewhere in the middle. but as i shared, i was reminded once again of how unjust and foolish it would be to not detail the works god had done in my life. my neglect in mentioning these things would cast a shadow over the grace that he had demonstrated and my unworthiness of the blessings in my life. it would take him out of it, and make my life a sum of coincidences and luck in getting me where i am today.
on a completely different tangent: i wish i would spend more time with my writing. i type as i think, and i never look back. i wish i could craft my words with wit and ease but i just don't put the time/thought in.
but then i'm reminded on nights like this of how fortunate i am to be where i am. to be a student at ucla and have the opportunities i have, is truly a testament to god's grace.
and speaking of god's grace-- i had the chance to share my testimony last night. in all honesty, i went in without enough prep, and without enough prayer and i was in contemplation of the extent and amount in which i should share. within this group, there had been a precedent set of logistics over emotions, of events over convictions, and i found myself wrestling with what was right. i could've easily have swept through the "big things" that have happened in my life or i could've gotten deep and emotional about the ways in which god had shaped me through the years.
as my words started to tumble out, i was still unsure and stuck somewhere in the middle. but as i shared, i was reminded once again of how unjust and foolish it would be to not detail the works god had done in my life. my neglect in mentioning these things would cast a shadow over the grace that he had demonstrated and my unworthiness of the blessings in my life. it would take him out of it, and make my life a sum of coincidences and luck in getting me where i am today.
“If you are going to be used by God, He will take you through a number of experiences that are not meant for you personally at all. They are designed to make you useful in His hands, and to enable you to understand what takes place in the lives of others.”
on a completely different tangent: i wish i would spend more time with my writing. i type as i think, and i never look back. i wish i could craft my words with wit and ease but i just don't put the time/thought in.
Monday, January 26, 2015
consistency
of course i find myself returning to this blog and adding to the collection of spontaneously jotted down thoughts, ideas, and pleas when i face a deadline in 5 hours. i have yet to start my paper but i've been reflecting on one important skill i lack-- consistency.
even returning to this blog, i'm impressed with friends of mine who are regular bloggers. their blogs are reflective of the contemplations of their minds, and the wrestling of their hearts. sometimes they share about the burdens and tiresome woes of life, and in other, lighter and more refreshing moments, they share about the joys they've been graced with.
i am not one of these people. you look at my blog, my planner, my workouts (haha) and you will see an array of unexplainable patterns of ups, downs, plateaus, and complete silences.
i was having a discussion with a friend recently about food. she's a creature that is effected by an extreme hunger every three hours which shows itself with unbelievable punctuality. for me, i survived last week with consuming my first meal of the day after 9pm every day. i got hungry, and then i got busy, and the hunger subsided. i love food, but in these moments i realize that i am not completely under the reign of food. this is probably not the healthiest way to live my life, i do realize.
but i realized, if i even lack consistency with basic sustenance, the energy-providing building blocks of life, then where do i refuse to fall to my incessant inconsistencies?
my friend (the same friend) and i talk about a lot of things, over a lot of time. we jump from ridiculousness to serious and somber topics regularly, and i'd like to say we're at a point where we know each other well (of course, this is relative). over brunch this weekend, she asked me a question rather explicitly, and i realized this was one i was really grateful to be asked. she asked, "how are you doing with god?" no elaboration, no befuddlement, no vagueness was in sight. it was direct, to the point, and was asked and received with certain clarity.
a funny sidenote is that in the last 8 months or so, i keep getting compliments on the way i speak, or more so the way i communicate. ha, i think to myself, i chose the right major, i guess. but in all seriousness, i re-learned how to speak english when i was in second grade, and sat through ESL classes until fourth grade. i loved and devoured books in elementary school, but i never figured that language, especially english, would be something i would be comfortable enough with that it would translate into a skill of mine in this life. i say all to this to note, that as my friend asked me this simple question, i found myself being vague. i was speaking convolutedly and was talking in circles when i didn't need to. and i didn't understand why.
but as i talked, as i explained, and as i shared, my words become clearer, my thoughts became concrete, and my convictions of the joy that i had from the grace i have been witnessing became all the more real. i lacked consistency in a lot of things in life, but also in my daily walk with god. not to say, my faith wavered and happened to be elusive-- present one day and absent the next-- instead, the foundations were set but i think my joys were easily forgotten and replaced with woes and worries. i was doing all the right things without doing all the needed things. i focused on how i could be better, instead of how i could be going deeper. i exerted myself instead of inserting and investing in the foundations daily.
but here i am, fighting my natural tendencies. day by day, in the simplicities of the time that i spend in conversation, in song, or in reading with the one who loves me most, i am reminded, i am renewed, and i am rejoicing.
so i beg you to ask, i beg myself to ask (later down the line), and i beg of you, may i ask regularly-- one of the simplest questions we need to face, "how are you doing with god?" let's all step away from the pleasantries, the small talk, and the christianese, and begin to ask this question with concrete consistency.
even returning to this blog, i'm impressed with friends of mine who are regular bloggers. their blogs are reflective of the contemplations of their minds, and the wrestling of their hearts. sometimes they share about the burdens and tiresome woes of life, and in other, lighter and more refreshing moments, they share about the joys they've been graced with.
i am not one of these people. you look at my blog, my planner, my workouts (haha) and you will see an array of unexplainable patterns of ups, downs, plateaus, and complete silences.
i was having a discussion with a friend recently about food. she's a creature that is effected by an extreme hunger every three hours which shows itself with unbelievable punctuality. for me, i survived last week with consuming my first meal of the day after 9pm every day. i got hungry, and then i got busy, and the hunger subsided. i love food, but in these moments i realize that i am not completely under the reign of food. this is probably not the healthiest way to live my life, i do realize.
but i realized, if i even lack consistency with basic sustenance, the energy-providing building blocks of life, then where do i refuse to fall to my incessant inconsistencies?
my friend (the same friend) and i talk about a lot of things, over a lot of time. we jump from ridiculousness to serious and somber topics regularly, and i'd like to say we're at a point where we know each other well (of course, this is relative). over brunch this weekend, she asked me a question rather explicitly, and i realized this was one i was really grateful to be asked. she asked, "how are you doing with god?" no elaboration, no befuddlement, no vagueness was in sight. it was direct, to the point, and was asked and received with certain clarity.
a funny sidenote is that in the last 8 months or so, i keep getting compliments on the way i speak, or more so the way i communicate. ha, i think to myself, i chose the right major, i guess. but in all seriousness, i re-learned how to speak english when i was in second grade, and sat through ESL classes until fourth grade. i loved and devoured books in elementary school, but i never figured that language, especially english, would be something i would be comfortable enough with that it would translate into a skill of mine in this life. i say all to this to note, that as my friend asked me this simple question, i found myself being vague. i was speaking convolutedly and was talking in circles when i didn't need to. and i didn't understand why.
but as i talked, as i explained, and as i shared, my words become clearer, my thoughts became concrete, and my convictions of the joy that i had from the grace i have been witnessing became all the more real. i lacked consistency in a lot of things in life, but also in my daily walk with god. not to say, my faith wavered and happened to be elusive-- present one day and absent the next-- instead, the foundations were set but i think my joys were easily forgotten and replaced with woes and worries. i was doing all the right things without doing all the needed things. i focused on how i could be better, instead of how i could be going deeper. i exerted myself instead of inserting and investing in the foundations daily.
but here i am, fighting my natural tendencies. day by day, in the simplicities of the time that i spend in conversation, in song, or in reading with the one who loves me most, i am reminded, i am renewed, and i am rejoicing.
so i beg you to ask, i beg myself to ask (later down the line), and i beg of you, may i ask regularly-- one of the simplest questions we need to face, "how are you doing with god?" let's all step away from the pleasantries, the small talk, and the christianese, and begin to ask this question with concrete consistency.
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