missions fundraising is the most humbling thing i've ever done. and i mean humbling in the best possible way. the generosity of strangers, of people i had lost contact with, of old youth group and sunday school teachers, of friends, it's all so overwhelming and i couldn't be more thankful. each and every relationship in which i can share this missions trip with is a reminder of how gracious God is, and each conversation and shared support letter allows me to see how truly blessed i am. wow, God is so good. 

i've been realizing that i'm not afraid to ask for help for the little things. small favors, ride requests, and other silly little things are usually no problem for me. i'll reach out to friends, ask acquaintances, etc. 

but more and more as i get older, i'm having a hard time asking for help with the bigger things. the internal struggles, the fears, the real things are always left unaddressed. 

on another note, i've been observing more and more aspects to my personality and character these days, some of which are good and some of which aren't so good. i think in this last year, my patience has thinned down while my awkwardness has grown. i feel like i'm still seeking a level of comfort here in this place, and i'm having a hard time finding it. to be silent, to be doing nothing, to just be with one another and be comfortable, these are the things i miss.